When my heart and mind are fighting deeper insecurities and doubt, when I hear the whispers of the enemy spewing lies of rejection or shame, I remember another love story that began before I was even born.

God chose me before the creation of this world. I was knit together by Him in my mother’s womb on purpose and for a purpose, and his love for me is perfect.

Can you hear his song? Can you feel his delight? Maybe you are convinced if you could just get all those boxes checked on your habit tracker or somehow raise respectful, obedient children, He will sing louder. Or worse, maybe you believe that if you had not made that terrible mistake years ago, you would deserve his song of delight. Instead, you only hear lyrics of guilt and shame written by the enemy.

We were purposed out of his perfect love, but live in a broken world with broken people. Our understanding of who we are and why we are here gets twisted and knotted by how we interpret the brokenness. The “knots” are the false beliefs we carry about ourselves, relationships, and even God. If we grow up in brokenness, whether it’s neglect, abuse, dysfunction, poverty, divorce, or trauma our young minds try to make sense of it all. As kids, we can’t understand the chaos, conflict, and confusion around us. It’s our normal and we are shaped by it to some degree.

A good mom, in my mind, did it all and did it well without fear, fatigue, or discouragement. A good mom had happy, responsible, obedient, and respectful children who loved each other and Jesus without questioning, arguing, or fighting. In my mind, I was responsible for creating a peaceful, happy family. Somehow, I took on the role of being the thermostat in our home.