Knots

As a little girl, I untangled the necklaces in my mom’s big velvet-lined jewelry box. (She paid me $1) The image of a dozen necklaces twisted and knotted into a big ball makes me smile now because it’s just one more way I am like her. She did most everything in a hurry; I can see her rushing home from work, tossing her necklace in, and dashing to the kitchen to make cubed steak and mashed potatoes.

Yesterday, leaning over the counter, wearing my readers, needle in hand, I was trying to get a knot out of a necklace. I had that thought, “I am turning into my mother.” I don’t take the time to fasten the clasp when I take it off so it gets knotted. Ironically, it once belonged to her- a gold heart locket from my dad.

As I held the small gold chain, struggling to get the knot out, God whispered in my spirit, “You have knots too. This is what I’m doing in your life, untangling them.”

What a beautiful picture of God, holding my delicate life in his hands, unraveling the twisted mess.

In Ephesians 2:10 we are called God’s masterpiece, his handiwork. In Psalm 139, David said that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, knitted together by God. We are his beautiful creation designed to live in freedom and love.

We were purposed out of his perfect love, but live in a broken world with broken people. Our understanding of who we are and why we are here gets twisted and knotted by how we interpret the brokenness. The “knots” are the false beliefs we carry about ourselves, relationships, and even God.

If we grow up in brokenness, whether it’s neglect, abuse, dysfunction, poverty, divorce, or trauma our young minds try to make sense of it all. As kids, we can’t understand the chaos, conflict, and confusion around us. It’s our normal and we are shaped by it to some degree.

As a little girl, I felt like I was stuck in the middle of some relationships, seeking to create peace and keep everyone happy. I felt responsible for my family’s emotions. This is one of the knots that God is untangling in me.

My father was a kind person who worked hard to take care of his family, but he was relationally awkward. He grew up in a family that didn’t express their love for each other well. He didn’t say the words, “I love you” until I was in college. I don’t remember hearing words like, “You are beautiful” or “I’m proud of you.” The message playing over and over in my mind for most of my life was, “I’m not enough.”

It wasn’t just my belief about myself that was in knots. I saw God as passive and uninvolved. I thought I had to be really good to get his attention.

We are created in the image of God, loved by God, and wanted by God, but how many of us are living from that deep belief? Our false beliefs about ourselves, others, and God entangle us, causing us to hide, perform, live small, self-protect, and worry. Yet, we were created to walk in freedom, confident of who we are, giving and receiving love, and fulfilling our purpose with joy.

What thought is on replay in your mind each day, the thought that ties you in knots? I’m not Enough. I’m not loveable. I’m not worthy. I’m a failure. I’m dirty. I’m weak. I’m not safe. Living from these lies leads to negative emotions and unhealthy behaviors. We find ourselves seeking approval from others, co-dependent, lacking healthy boundaries, walking the tightrope of perfectionism, hiding, and self-soothing with anything from shopping to Netflix.

No matter the messages we have received from the brokenness around us, we are already loved, made worthy by Jesus, accepted as we are, and secure in the Father’s hands. In his grace and goodness, he delights in untangling our false beliefs. Here is our hope;

…being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus… Philippians 1:6

He wants to see us walk in freedom, in our true identity as his daughters. We can agree with him, confess our false beliefs, bring him our tangled mess and he will meet us with his truth that brings freedom. He will carry it on to completion.

The process may be difficult and painful as we acknowledge the brokenness that has shaped us, but we were created for so much more. He is there to lead you into freedom; just lay down your mess before him and ask for help.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ- to the glory and praise of God. Philippians 1: 6,9-11