I'll be the first to admit that some of my plans would have actually changed the course of my life for the worse had they succeeded. And there are dreams in my heart that seemed so perfect I still question, "why not, Lord? Why didn't you bless those plans?" (like my expectations for my children)So where does that leave us and our beautifully calendared days, bullet journals, and to-do lists? What about our goals and action plans, our vision boards and Pinterest boards? What of our hopes for our children, plans for our retirement , and our dream vacation?

What I am saying, tired parent, is this:  your child's emotional well-being, academic success, and spiritual health is not all depending on you. You and I can parent purposefully, pray for our children, and then entrust them to God. There is no scenario in which we can perfectly parent our kids using tried and true strategies resulting in perfect children.You and I live our life overcoming our own parents' shortcomings. That's what they did and that is what our children will do.

But I heard someone say recently that there is always blue sky. Clouds roll in to obscure our view of it, sometimes gray and gloomy, at other times dark and threatening, but clouds don't stay forever. The dreary clouds are temporary, but the sun in its vast expanse of clear blue is a constant.We just have to look hard, to train our eyes to see through the overcast and into the overwhelming promise of hope we have in Christ. We have to train our minds to remember what is true. The winter will turn to spring, the dreary skies will clear and we will feel the sun on our faces again.

Taking only parts of God's word to believe and follow is very convenient to support our own agenda for life. It may be easier to ignore the wrath of God because it frightens us, but it is part of who God is. I am getting to know God in a new way, reading chapters that I don't understand, that even scare me.

It's exhausting trying to love a porcupine. You know who I'm talking about, right? Prickly people. People that for a myriad of reasons have their quills extended instead of a handshake or hug. No matter how hard you try, you find yourself on the receiving end of their sharp barbs. We all know someone who is difficult to love.

As we push forward on our journeys, we will struggle. It's a messy journey, but we cannot allow shame to accompany us. When we have failed again, lost a battle, fallen on our faces, the enemy sends shame to our side to convince us we are no good. Losers. Finished.

I don't know how to label my struggle; I don't have a name for it. Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me. Shame says, “you'll never get past this.” I am reminded of Paul who spoke of having “a thorn” in his flesh that he asked God to take away. Several times.