Should I Have to Tell You to Wear Clean Underwear?

There are things that I thought I would never have to say to my children. Rules that I thought I would not need to make because my children had common sense.  These things, I thought, were just a given. These things didn't even make the family meeting agenda because they are on the "duh!" list.I did the unthinkable. I thought, "my child would never..."Now I know how stupid silly I was. My children have done things that I could not have imagined. Things I didn't want to imagine. So, I feel like I can't be too clear with them. So. Here is my revised list of rules for our house. I've tried to cover everything this time, assuming my children will do every stupid silly thing possible.

1. You have to pass all of your classes.
2. Don't rub your boogers on the wall.
3. Or the shower curtain.
4. Or the back of your headboard.
5. You may not leave the house in a car, on a bike, on a skateboard, on foot, on a horse, in a helicopter, in a spaceship, riding a llama, on roller skates or roller blades, in a buggy, or even a wheelbarrow without letting your parents know where you are going.
6. You may not use an entire bottle of maple syrup on your two waffles. Ever.
7. You may not take bulbs out of the Christmas lights and stick them in an outlet. You might die.
8. Do not stick quarters in your ears.
9. Do not put the eraser end of your pencil in our new electric pencil sharpener to "see what will happen."
10. You may not eat 15 pieces of pizza and an order of crazy bread for dinner.
11. Do not shoot the Air Soft gun in the house, while pointing it at your brother's ear.
12. Do not jump out of a tree holding an open umbrella.
13. Don't post stupid stuff on social media and think we won't find out.
14. Don't invite all of your friends over for a party without telling us.
15. You have to go to school.
16. You may not draw on the car with a quarter.
17. You may not wear the same pair of underwear three days in a row. Or two.
18. If we pay thousands of dollars on braces, then yes, you will wear your retainer. If you don't and it no longer fits in your mouth, you will pay $135 for the new one.
19. Deodorant is only for your arm pits. Don't rub it all over your body.
20. Pack more than pudding for lunch.
21. You may not play baseball 10 feet from the dining room window.

I believe that this list will always be a work in progress as evidenced by my children's lack of wisdom. I'm not sure why I still feel shock when faced with the newest lapse in judgment. At this point, nothing really should surprise me, right?I love my children. Really. But can we be honest? Parenting can be exhausting! Someone told me recently that the executive functioning part of the boy's brain does not fully develop until 18 years of age. I didn't argue or demand evidence. I have evidence that sleeps upstairs in my house.There are days and phases when my children are clicking right along, seeming so smart and mature. Then, I get a call from a parent asking me if I saw what my child posted or I find a week-old cheese sandwich under the couch cushion.Today was one of those days where I found myself surprised by bad choices. Actually, it's been about a semester full of those days. I want to look at my children and ask, "Can we just have a day without a call from a teacher or parent, a day when you don't rub boogers on our furniture?"If you are reading this and your child has not yet done something that qualifies as truly stupid, just wait. It's coming. I'm sorry, but it's true. You will feel frustrated, angry, embarrassed, disappointed, and perhaps shocked. You have raised this child, poured your heart, time, gas, prayers, and budget into them and then it happens. They make a terrible choice. It's almost like a slap in the face. You want your money back. A refund. Someone to put your heart back together. You want to ask yourself, "what did I do wrong? I must have screwed up for them to do something this."  It's not you. It's their imperfect, messy way of growing up in a broken world.Whenever we mamas are walking through tiring days of, "what were you thinking?!" , we have to pause and get perspective.They are not finished products. They are growing children, learning through their messes, much like their parents. Our children are in desperate need of the grace of God delivered daily through us, their parents. For every cotton-headed ninny muggins moment, there are ten absolutely beautiful ones if we are paying attention.They need us to keep them between the lines. It's exhausting, but they're worth it. Think of all the stupid things you have done and will do.Find ways to praise and encourage.Pray. Pray fervently for your children because there are lapses in judgement that can change their lives forever.I am thankful tonight that my Heavenly Father does not expect perfection from me, his child. He is not surprised or even disappointed by my mistakes. His love and forgiveness is the only thing that can make any of us whole. I am thankful that his mercies are new every morning.

⁴ Fathers, don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master.