What we all have in common, whether our child is suffering with cancer or crying into their pillow over their first heartbreak, is that we want to fix it. We desperately want to stop the pain, to make it go away, to make it all better for our child.

Our children's pain becomes our own.

We raise our children with high hopes that they will one day learn to walk, potty-train, sleep all night, read, make friends, drive a car, do their laundry, score a touchdown, win a race, go to prom, graduate, interview for a job, go to college, pursue their calling, get married, have children...But when we reach these milestones, when our role as parent ends, and our role as adviser begins, our hearts break.

We fail when we misplace our focus. We fail to laugh and enjoy our children we are focused on tasks and results. We fail to open our hearts to them when we have unhealthy expectations of them. We fail to gain their trust when we constantly police them. We fail to see how beautiful they are right now when we are focused on what they should become.

We are simply one instrument God uses to guide and teach them. Possibly, the most important one on this side of heaven, but only one. And he is the one who brings real change and true growth. We can only influence. We will never get it all right, and even if we did, it would be no guarantee. We cannot protect them, program them, or perfect them. And God never asked us to do so.

What if we set a goal for failure this year? Not a goal to fail as a mom, but a goal for how to have peace in the midst of our mom failures. Failure sounds so awful, but it only means we made a mistake. We can have peace knowing that our children are in the hands of Jesus, even when we make mistakes. And we will make mistakes. We will fail along the journey.