New Year's for a Recovering Good Girl
If you are as old as I am,you remember the Six Million Dollar Man. Steve Austin was a rebuilt pilot with super human strength and speed. I actually pulled an episode up on youtube the other night to show my kids how cool he was. We all laughed at the early 70's special effects, but when I was young I loved that show. I also watched the Bionic Woman and had the lunch box- the one with the picture of her ripping a huge phone book in half. If I had that lunch box today I would totally use it.
There was a phrase in the opening of the Six Million Dollar Man, the part where Oscar Goldman says, "Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic man. Steve Austin will be that man. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster."
Those words. Better. Stronger. Faster. They have been my constant companion, along with a few others. Actually, about a hundred others. Those types of words, those adjectives ending in "er" are comparative adjectives. (Sorry for the grammar lesson.) They really don't function well without the word than. Stronger than who? Better than what? Faster than a what? I promise I'm going somewhere with this.
Living my life as a "good girl" with unhealthy expectations of myself was a life full of comparative adjectives. I should be kinder, stronger, better. At everything. I had a whole list in my mind of all the things that I wasn't good enough at or didn't do enough of. I didn't read enough, pray enough, love enough, drink enough water, exercise enough, journal enough, scrapbook enough, give enough, serve enough, clean enough, organize enough.
You can imagine what New Year's resolutions were like. Pressure to be better, stronger, faster than I was the year before. I set myself up for failure every year. I could never be or do enough.
So this year, as a rehabilitated good girl, I have a new perspective on life and New Year's resolutions. I will not be making any resolutions this year. Instead, I am writing a reminder to myself of who I already am in Christ, of who he is in my life. Sure, I think goals are great; If you aim at nothing you will hit it every time. I may set some goals as I walk through 2014, but more than anything I want to walk in the identity that Christ has given me.
In him, I am enough. Out of that identity I will love, give, and serve. In his grace, I will live freely and not under the unhealthy expectations that caged my spirit for so long. It's a guarantee that I will fail at some things. I will probably make some bad choices. Life will be messy, but there will be joy. If there is something that God asks me to do, we will do it together.
God has done great things this year. I am unbelievably thankful. I will step into 2014 with joy, freedom, and confidence in him.
This has been the word I am learning to live. God brings it before me over and over. He continually reminds me to quit striving and find rest and peace in him.
Matthew 11:28
The Message (MSG)
28-30 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”