Let's Be Honest!

Let's be honest. Really. I'm a pastor's wife, and if I can be transparent online, you can do it with yourself. We will begin with the little things. I don't floss. Except for the morning of my dental checkup. Why I think I can fool that hygienist, I don't know.( I didn't even know how to spell hygienist. Google.) I have a real problem with putting my clothes away. There is a pile of clothes at the foot of my bed most days. I don't dust often, even though I'm allergic to dust mites. I forget to trim my boys' toenails. You can't make this stuff up.

You ready to go a little deeper? I give my husband the silent treatment, go cry in the bathroom, and hope he feels sorry for me. I thought for years this would motivate him to change. My oldest child learned how to huff and roll her eyes from me! Here is a biggy. Or biggie? I struggled for a long time with the fear of dying. I worried whenever I had some strange symptom that I might have a terminal illness. Test after test showed that I was super healthy but struggled with anxiety.

Here's my latest. (At this point you are searching for another devotion to read, right?) I am going to a conference for bloggers/writers. I'm super excited!!  Like, I did a dance and everything which freaked my kids out completely! They don't know what a blog is and are only concerned about who will pack their lunch on Friday. Here comes the honesty...vanity is totally putting the hammer on me. I am wrapped up in it!  I want women there to like me, read my blog, tell me I'm wonderful, and pretty and funny. I want a publisher to make a book offer. I think I "need" a new pair of jeans and  new scarf. The infinity kind. I could go on, but I'm making myself sick.

Temptation doesn't exclude anyone. Just because I'm a pastor's wife, doesn't mean I don't have ungodly thoughts or struggles! So, what do I do with this junk? First, I get honest with Christ, lay it down. Vanity and pride are not of him and quickly become a prison. I'm not a terrible person, a failure, or a heretic because I'm struggling. As long as I live in this body, temptations will come. After I confess my sin, I will replace the lies with truth. The truth is that none of this is about me, I never wanted it to be. The truth is that I am already loved, accepted, worthy, and secure. I do not need the approval of one blogger out there. The truth is that writing, doing what God has called me to do, brings me joy. And the jeans? The scarf? Really? I am blessed to be dressed.

Here's what I have learned as a believer. The thoughts come. The temptation seek me out. Truth says that's not who I am. I am not fearful, prideful, and anxious. I am a new creation. I am in Christ. So I apologize to the one who freed me from that hot mess and step toward him. He has already forgiven me. His plan for me is still there. His love remains. Anything not of him just wrecks my life, so I let it go.

2 Corinthians 10:5

New International Version (NIV)

5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.