I wrote my Christmas Manifesto and asked that question, "Lord, what would honor you in our home?" I was determined to not allow my hands to get so wrapped up in ribbons and recipes that I could not lift them in worship. I took a stand against holiday guilt because guilt is about me and Christmas is about Jesus.It's His birthday.I remember when Tall Girl was turning one. Parties for toddlers are truly for their parents. We send cute invitations, decorate, and make two cakes. One is purely for their smashing enjoyment.This was no exception. Our friends and family were there to celebrate, but our sweet baby girl was not looking so happy. She felt warm and laid her head on my shoulder. Ear infection. You know, "it's my party, I'll cry if I want to?"  We tried to enjoy the evening, but when the birthday child is crying, it's kinda hard.Early this morning, the only quiet time in our home, I snuggled into my favorite chair with my favorite mug of coffee. I held it tightly trying to awaken my body and heart. I opened my Bible, and Jesus showed me what he wanted for his birthday.Last night when I published my manifesto I felt so confident in my decision to let all the Pinterest pressure fall away and just ask the Lord, "Emmanuel, what would honor you in our home?" Yet, when his request pierced my heart, I welcomed his clarity but was grieved that he should have to ask.

"Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. James 1:26  

"Do your words build up or tear down? do your words push others away from you or draw others near? Do you speak with the wisdom God has given your? Do your words honor the God you serve? Is your conversation grace-filled and seasoned with salt? Does your speech draw others to God?"from The Coffee House Bible

God had already been whispering conviction, lovingly reminding me of His gentleness he wants to give my children through me. In the darkness of morning as I held my cup of black coffee, the dark place of my heart was brought into the light. Marianna, I want gentleness in your home. 

I can just tell you right now that burlap ribbons, white candles on the mantle, and cranberries in a hurricane lantern would be the easier gift. Setting out the nativity and hanging some angel ornaments has been our traditional way to celebrate.

Gentleness? Tight reign on my tongue?

Jesus is asking me to decorate my home with his gentleness, to light the room with his kindness, to wrap my children in ribbons of his grace.

It just hit me. It's the ultimate re-gift.

He gave me his gentleness, his kindness, his wisdom, and most unbelievably, his grace. Now he is asking me to give it to my children.

But...

It's sooooo hard! My children are annoying. They fight and complain about my cooking. They demand and act entitled. They stink up the bathroom and track in a mess on the carpet. They don't ask me how my day was, they just ask for things. When I need quiet, they're loud. Some of them eat like pigs and won't shower.

But, I can't tell you the crazy stunts I have pulled off to preserve the whole "Santa" tradition. I have gone to great lengths to find that perfect gift that would be remembered as their "best Christmas ever!"

Yet, what my children desire in their spirits is the kindness of our Savior. They want loving words spoken with patience. My kids need more positives and less nagging, and  I am certain less sarcasm.

Even as I type these words, I am wrestling with this. How can I do this, Lord? My controlling tone and nitpicking have become the norm.

I think the Lord has given me an image of the three kings, the wise men bringing gifts to baby Jesus. I see them bowing down, stretching out their arms toward their Messiah, placing their gifts before him in humility. They traveled so far to bring him honor.

Seeking him, bowing before him, yielding my will, confessing my need for him, offering my words to him as a gift. Daily. Moment by moment.

"to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God..." Romans 12:1

As I abide in him, as I come and adore him he will do this through me. I asked him what he wanted, and his desire was made clear to me. If I choose to honor him with my words, my family will be blessed. Kindness and gentleness will uplift and encourage after all the lights have faded and the toys have broken.

If I give all I possess to the poor (or all of my money to buy Christmas gifts) and give over my body to hardship (or exhaust it decorating my house) that I may boast (or show it off on Instagram), but do not have love , I gain nothing. 1 Corinthians 12:6-7 [my own insights added in parentheses]

If we ask our children what they want for their birthdays, we do all that we can to make it happen. How would our homes be different this Christmas if we did the same for Jesus?