“God doesn’t plant desires within our hearts to let them wither and die.” - Holley Gerth

If you received this post in your email today, it’s because I wrestled with this yesterday. If God breathed something into my soul, spoke it to my heart, then he is asking me to bring it into the sunshine, water it, prune it, and whatever else is necessary to keep it alive.

One of the last things my mother bought for me before her brain aneurysm was a fern. She wanted me to pick out something at her favorite nursery and I love ferns, so a small fern came home with me. Poor little guy; he almost didn’t make it. I didn’t know what I was doing- not enough light, too much water…But after we almost lost Mom, keeping my fern alive took on an urgency. I did some research, repotted it as it grew, found a sunnier spot in the house, set reminders for watering…

My heart couldn’t handle letting the last thing she gave me die.

I’ve been wrestling with the question, “did God really plant this desire to write in me?” I spent the day yesterday looking through my writing journal, reading posts from years past. That’s where the Holley Gerth quote came from- whatever I thought I heard from God about my writing, I jotted it down in my journal.

I don’t remember writing that quote years ago, but I do remember the joy that filled my days when I first began writing. So much in my life has changed since those days. But I feel like I hear God asking, “did my purpose for you change? Did I ask you to stop writing?”

“Are you going to let the desire I planted in your heart wither and die?”

Someone told me once, “Jesus is the main story- your little story you write today is to make his gospel story clear.” I believe that’s true for all of us, whether we are writing down our story or just sharing it with a friend in the aisle at Kroger. God wants our story to make His story clear.

Five years ago, I was at a writer’s conference pitching a book proposal to an editor. There was a fire burning in me, a passion for reaching the hearts of women with hope and freedom. I was actively engaging readers and followers, sharing my life on social media, seeking connections. The next year was a year of loss and grief and I struggled to stay the course. But I did. In September 2018 I met with a group of like-minded ladies and was praying about next steps for both writing and speaking.

Two weeks later it all fell apart. I was thrown instantly into the role of a single mom simply trying to survive a nightmare. I wrote a few posts along the way, but my priority was my children and our healing. God has been so faithful and I could never have imagined the way he has provided- beyond what I could ask or imagine.

Four years later, my life is amazing but I am changed, and I’m asking God to show me next steps, asking him to renew the passion in me.

Maybe this is me repotting my desire, giving the roots more room to grow. Maybe this is me attempting to find the sunshine and water to not just keep it alive, but to watch it bloom.

What desire has he planted in you? It’s easy to question and doubt, to wonder if your motives are selfish. I believe God gives us certain passions and experiences in life that create a story that can glorify his. Praying we don’t let those desires wither and die.

Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. - Colossians 3:23