One thing I know is that everyone has a story. I've listened to stories that left me wondering how hope would ever enter into the plot, stories fraught with tragedy and heartbreak so deep that I doubted the goodness of God.

I've seen some people living out stories written by their own choices, standing in dark valleys of their own creation; the steep slopes of consequence reaching so high on each side, making escape impossible. There's only one way out, and it's to keep walking, one strong step toward healing at a time. And for some, even though healing comes, the consequences are lifelong, a perpetual part of the journey.

My heart breaks for the one who seems to have lost it all because I know it could easily be me.

What if your story, however, was out of your control? What if someone else's choices turned your story upside down? What if a dark plot twist was inserted into your story unexpectedly without your permission? Maybe you were betrayed by another character. Perhaps an unforeseen enemy entered the story and now the ending you were counting on is no longer an option.

You're standing in a valley too; it's dark, but the slopes rising up on either side are not the consequences of your own choices. They're the painful loss and grief created by someone else's.

The way of escape is the same. One step forward at a time. Steps toward healing. You see, it's a valley and you can walk through it. If you want to.

Or you can let your valley become a pit, and you can sit in the pain and darkness of your story alone. Maybe you're there now. Your story is so sad and tragic, your pain is too much to bear, and no one can help you.

That's how you feel, but it is not the truth.

It's a lie. All of it.

The difference between a valley and a pit is obvious. One has a way out and one doesn't. One, we walk through toward healing. Hopeful. And one we sit in, waiting for rescue. Doubtful.

For me, it comes down to what I choose to carry with me on the journey. Therein, lies my choice. I did not choose this valley, but I can choose healing by walking through it instead of sitting in it. If I choose to carry pity or bitterness, the weight of them will pull me down into a pit.

I have felt anger burning so hot, I feared it would consume me. I have felt sadness so deep that I have literally crumbled under its weight, and cried so hard that I couldn't open my eyes the next morning.

Our family has been assigned a "Victim's Advocate", but I will not live as a victim sitting in a pit waiting for someone to put my life back together. I've had an advocate since the day I trusted Jesus as my redeemer and savior and none of this has taken him by surprise.

He is still writing my story. He is the author and editor.

Pity and bitterness have no part in our healing. Neither are markers on the journey to wholeness. Yes, I am walking through a valley, but I am walking. The minute I start to feel sorry for myself or I let my anger turn into bitterness, the journey will slow to a crawl and then I will slip down into a pit, to sit in darkness alone.

I'll lose hope and begin to doubt the promises of God. "How could he possibly work this together for my good?" I will resent those around me who appear to be standing on mountain tops or just resting in green pastures. I'll even lose empathy for other hurting people, because "they couldn't possibly hurt as deeply as I do." From the bottom of my pit, all I will be able to see is my own pain.

I won't pretend that choosing to walk through it instead of sitting in it is easy. Healing is hard work.

Healing is hard because the only way to heal is to let go of the hurt, and if I do I feel like I'm letting someone off the hook. Right? Hanging onto the anger feels like punishing and getting even.

But is it?

Or is it a weight that gradually becomes so heavy that it pulls us down into a place so dark that hope no longer seems possible? And when it feels like we are healing as we gain the sympathy of others, building our case while others throw fuel on our fire, are we really? Are we becoming stronger or are the cracks in our heart just deepening?

As Christians we talk so about the beautiful, scandalous grace of Jesus that forgives any sin, but then someone's sin wrecks our hearts and lives, and it becomes too ugly for forgiveness. How could God forgive even that sin that caused my deep pain and trauma?

What do we really believe? Do we not trust God with our pain? Do we not trust him with the justice of it all? We desperately hang onto our anger and pain as a way to imprison the perpetrator when God wants to free us instead. Forgiveness feels like a gift that will never be deserved.

It is.

If God's grace isn't enough for the one who hurt me, then it's not enough for me either.

God is writing my story. He is redeeming my story. He is my shepherd, walking me through the valley of the shadow of death- the death of my story as I knew it. He is leading me beside still waters. He is restoring my soul.

Can he not also shepherd the one who hurt me? What can disqualify us from his love?

Sweet friend, we can trust God with our healing, but we cannot journey with him to wholeness if we are sitting in a pit of self-pity and bitterness. We have to let go so that our hands are free to hold his hand, free to receive his gifts. His hope.

Letting go is not easy. It all comes back to trusting Jesus. We can trust him for our own forgiveness and salvation, but can we trust him with our pain? With our offender? With the sins committed against us?

It's the only way to healing. I am on that journey. Step by step. Sometimes taking a step backward. A hard day leaves me feeling discouraged, and the discouragement wants pity. The anger stays a little too long and wants retribution.

But I have chosen to walk with the Shepherd and seek his truth. He meets me there and offers me hope as I lay down the pity and anger. I'm getting stronger along the way and the valley doesn't seem as dark now.

The words of this song are so life-giving. I pray for you as you walk through your valley that you find confidence and hope in Jesus.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjxwryxSrIY

Because of the LORD's great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion, therefore I will wait for him. The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him. Lamentations 3:22-25