I Will Never Get it Together

I used to believe that I needed to "get it together." I tried so hard that I was miserable. What is "together", anyway? I wanted to feel better about myself. I thought I needed to be better, choose better, do better. 

 

Crazy thing is that God could not love me more than he did when he gave Jesus for me. He could not love me more than when I said "yes" to his love for me. 

 

He loves me in the middle of my falling apart, in the middle of my not-togetherness. Don't believe me? I'll show you. 

 

Details are not my thing. I'm a big picture kind of girl. I hate fine print, directions, and emails. I'm a scanner. You can imagine the trouble this gets me in managing a large family. 

 

Our girls had a birthday party on the calendar. I say "on the calendar" because I purposefully gathered all summer camp info, invitations, etc along with our big wall calendar to make sure I did not miss anything (and to keep six children from asking me what we are doing every day of the summer). I realize my weakness with details and I don't want my children to suffer.

 

 

 

Somehow, I put the party on Sunday instead of Saturday. I thought it weird that someone would want a party on Sunday, Father's Day at that. I think the mistake came when I put the party first on my iphone calendar. You know that spinny wheel you have to move to select the date? I think that's where I went wrong.

 

Here's how I know that God is so personal. He knows my issues and lends me a hand.

 

On Saturday, friends were visiting. One loves yard sales like I do, so we thought about going to some. Even though it was late in the morning, I sent a post out on Facebook asking if anyone knew of a great sale.

 

A friend texted me about one, so we headed out with five kids in our bus. I, of course, had the road mixed up in my head and we had to backtrack a little, but saw a yard sale sign and followed the trail. (not the sale from the text)

 

We all piled out to find treasures, and as the kids looked, I was focused on Yard Sale Mom because she looked so familiar. When I heard her say that the money from the sale went to a mission trip to Guatemala, I began chatting with her (because that's what I'm good at). After only a few moments, we realized we had lots of mutual friends. One such friend was the mom of the friend having the birthday party. Sweet Yard Sale Mom said, "yes, my girls are going to her party tonight!"

 

I froze. "Tonight?" Yard Sale Mom saw my confusion. Without shame, I said, "we had it on our calendar for tomorrow!" She assured me it was, in fact, that very day. I should have prefaced all of this with the fact that the birthday party invitation had come two months prior. It was a very special, dress-up, Paris themed, 13th birthday party that my girls would have never let me forget had we missed it. 

 

I climbed back in our bus with a knot in my stomach thinking about my girls' reactions, Birthday Mom's reactions, my need to throw up had Yard Sale Mom not saved the day. 

 

But it was not Yard Sale Mom's rescue. It was my Father orchestrating it all. I feel confident that had we not gone to that yard sale, his rescue would have come in the form of a phone call reminder. It was his intention to help me that day. 

 

When I dropped off my girls at the party that night, I was so thankful that God had intervened and saved the day! 

 

Does he rescue me every time? No. Sometimes, the blunders that I make are lessons, sometimes journeys to other plans he has for me. 

 

I know this. He knows me and he sees me. He is involved in my life because I am his girl. Whether it's a good day with my calendar or not.

 

See, I don't have it together. I never will. I live this life together with my Father and with you. 

 

I believe God reminded me of this song today. I have not heard it in years. The lyrics are all about not having it together, but being loved regardless. 

Read it and listen to it knowing that it's true for you today. You are loved in a deep and personal way by a personal God. Rest in him.

 

Never Been Unloved by Michael W. Smith

 

Psalm 91

1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.[a]
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”

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