I Need Forgiveness

My son was giggling in the car today, and when I asked him what was so funny, he said, "it might embarrass you, Mom." I assured him I was used to embarrassment. He then proceeded to tell me that I had a big piece of something black and ugly between my teeth.I explained to my son that it would have been great to tell me that before we went in the grocery store and I politely greeted everyone with a smile. He said that he did not want to embarrass me.Sometimes when we hear the truth it's embarrassing or even painful, but it's better than walking through life not knowing.I have found myself on a hard journey.I asked the Lord to show me my heart, and he did. He revealed my living-for-self, comfort-seeking, self-preserving, I-want-the-easy-button heart for exactly what it was.There is no way to live with that kind of heart without hurting those in relationship with you. Do you know why? (I can answer this because of who Jesus is and what His truth teaches, not because of any wisdom of my own.) Love is not selfish and love is what holds relationships together. Without it, they begin to crumble.Without love, our hearts and souls crumble. We were created for love.Conviction is a beautiful thing that happens in the soul of those belonging to Christ. Beautiful? Yes, the Spirit of God speaks to our spirit so that we know when we are straying from his love and goodness. Only then, as he leads us can we come back into connection with him.We sometimes confuse conviction with condemnation, but they are two very different things. Look at their definitions.Convict: to declare (someone) to be guilty of a criminal offense by the verdict of a jury or the decision of a judge in a court of lawCondemn: 1.express complete disapproval of, typically in public; censure 2.sentence (someone) to a particular punishment, especially deathJohn 3:17 tell us that , "God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him."So if you had an image in your mind of an angry God ready to punish you, that picture of Him is not accurate.When the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of God convicts us, he is simply telling us, "what you are doing is not of me." It's sin. He speaks this truth to us in love, as a Father who seeks the best for his child, a Father who wants to save his child. He came to save, not condemn.This weekend, I was broken as I saw what God saw in me. He led me to repentance with his kindness, not anger. He did not rub the offense in my face or shame me in any way. He simply declared me guilty, a truth I could not deny.I fell before him sorry that I had walked away from him as I chose myself and my ways. I wept over the pain that I knew I had caused someone I loved, for the hurting hearts that I did not reach out to as I failed to look beyond my own.Sweet friend, do you know what was waiting for me on the other side of my mess? Forgiveness. Complete forgiveness. The slate-cleaning, fresh-starting, new day-dawning kind of forgiveness. This forgiveness flooded my soul with peace permeating every space, pushing out all shame because perfect love casts out fear in all its forms.Conviction is a beautiful part of the love God has for us. It leads to forgiveness and the peace that fills us as we abide in Him and become more like Him.I want to encourage you to invite the Spirit of God to convict your heart of sin, to lead you to repentance. That's a word that we don't hear often but simply means "to turn away from". Pray this scripture to Him,Search me, God, and know my heart;    test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me,    and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24Maybe you need forgiveness too. Perhaps things just aren't right between you and Jesus. He is not mad at you, but whatever is between you is keeping you from the intimacy he longs for with you.He is a good Father, not your condemner.If we claim that we’re free of sin, we’re only fooling ourselves. A claim like that is errant nonsense. On the other hand, if we admit our sins—make a clean breast of them—he won’t let us down; he’ll be true to himself. He’ll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing. 1 John 1:9