Marianna Soper

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Drowning?

Ever feel so overwhelmed that you just don't want to get out of bed? I'm there, only it's my big comfy chair. (I was forced out of bed early to drive my teenagers.) I came home to a quiet mess too big to think about tackling.


I'm avoiding. Procrastinating is my solution for it all. When life demands too much of me, I curl up in the comfort of my chair with a cup of coffee. I am seeking solace from the things that pull at my mind and my time. The same thought cycles through my mind, "It's too much. How can I get all of this done?How can I take on these difficult rolls that I have been given?"


Am I afraid? Is that the feeling deep within that keeps me in this chair? I've been overwhelmed by fear before to know that it paralyzes. What fear overwhelms me now?


Like a scene in a movie, I have been swept away by a rushing river. The currents overpowering. I fight the water and somehow manage to climb onto a rock, escaping danger. Breathless, shaking with exhaustion I look around realizing that this rock I'm clinging to is in the middle of the river, water rushing around it.


I can not stay here on this rock. I will have to face the rapids at some point, but how?


A few trips white water rafting and a couple of episodes of Man Vs. Wild do not make me an expert, but I remember that if swept down a raging river you should lie on your back with your feet pointed downstream. Fighting the currents is dangerous. Eventually, the river will calm.


My life is not a movie. No river. Just a huge to-do list on top of some serious parenting challenges and relationship issues. No rock. Just a big, worn out, but safe chair in my kitchen, by a window.


I can not stay in this chair.  One more cup of coffee will not make it all go away. I have to brave the strong currents of life today. I am no expert here either. I assure you. It hits me that there should be survival shows for women, because there are days that I would take the raging river and the rocks over my lot.


What am I afraid of today? What will happen if I don't get it all done? Has God asked me to do something and then cruelly not given me the time in which to do it? Is that his character? Is he still in control? Who gave me these crazy children anyway? And the unexpected job that blessed our lives? What about this house? Wasn't it a gift from my Father, along with all the clothes, toys, and dishes that lie around?


I hear His voice over the roar of it all. Do the next thing. Rest in me.


The river will calm, it's not all rapids. Point your feet down stream, and stop fighting the currents.


My whole life has prepared me for today. God has lovingly equipped me for the challenges I'm facing, yet reminded me that braving the river alone is not the best way. He stands in the strongest current, unmoved. I am not alone. He will not let me be swept under.


After I post this, I plan to eat a bowl of cereal and go to the gym. It's the next thing.


The laundry, the lesson plans, the school supplies, and the blueberries that need to be picked, even the relational issues will not sweep over me today. I'll ask my Father to put them in order for me, then I'll do the next thing.


When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.